Help Desk: The Infamous Trouble with the Y Chromosome

October 07, 2016



My thoughts on guys (though obviously this can be applied to girls as well) and (more importantly) how not to stress about finding the one...

Let me clarify a few things about my own love life before we get started. I am single. Very single. And pretty happy single. Yes I would love a boyfriend (I've dreamed about and have been planning my wedding for as long as I can remember, currently on bridesmaid dresses XD) but am putting much less pressure on myself to find the one than I used to. My last boyfriend was in year 5-6 (when I was 10-11), which one day I may blog about cause it's hillar and totes awkward, so as to make your own love lives seem much better (I just said totes, I am so sorry...). I have never been kissed (#virginlips) or anything else so am pretty inexperienced with boys. Yes I have had many hopeless infatuations and crushes, and can just about speak to cute guys (though only when they strike up the conversation) but I am strangely calm about this. How?

Like many others I have day-dreamed about my future relationships and meeting the one for as long as I can remember...

I honestly wonder this myself constantly, and still get my moments when I just desperately want my soul mate to appear to me the next day, but when you think about it. I am 18. Few people find their soul mates at 18 (though then again my grandparents met when my grandad was 15 and my grandma was 17, but those were different times, which I think people forget when comparing their love life to the generations before then). Heck, my parents met when my dad was 30 and my mum was in her late twenties. Don't compare yourself and your relationships and love life to anyone else. Focus on yourself, first and foremost. Also, if we are to believe that 1) good things happen to those who wait and 2) that fab things happen when we least expect them, then why panic? I am calm about dating and not trying to force anything, and I am currently chatting to someone that my friend and I suspect may have a crush on me... I don't say that to boast but to simply state that it really is true (even if I don't like him back😩 so stressful). 

And this has happened without me changing anything about myself: I am weird, geeky, nerdy, don't swear or drink, can't flirt for my life, don't pretend to like something I don't like and certainly don't look like a Victoria's secrets model (can I just address this for a second. If people were only attracted to size 0s then our species would have died out centuries ago. So if you are sitting there thinking that you are too big for anyone to fall in love with you, then just know that there will be someone who will because if there wasn't anyone that liked a 'larger frame' then you probably wouldn't be alive 😊 and besides, it's what's on the inside that counts). So basically, don't change yourself for anyone. Yes you currently feel like no one will love you, but who cares. Enjoy being free and single and not tied down to anyone. Able to crush on celebrities and not have a jealous partner with whom you have to spend 5 minutes explaining how Chris is Chris Hemsworth, not a guy at work. Embrace singleton. Focus on you, whether it be your well being, your education or your career and good things will follow. I promise.


I am not a stereotype pretty, and yet I am messaging someone my friend suspects likes me- basically who ever you are, someone will love you :)

I still need to explain how I reached my sense of calm. When I was younger I felt a constant pressure to have a boyfriend. I would sometimes even force myself to have a crush on someone. Anyone. Cause I felt I had to. Needed to.  I would google everything under the sun to do with my latest crush, from "how to talk to guys" to the more specific "can a 14 year old and a 17 year old date?" (I had a crush on a 6 form class helper in year 10...) Though I still can't talk to guys I like (as stated earlier) and therefore can offer no advice on the subject, apart from they're just as scared as you are and forget that they're the hottest thing on the planet and think that you're speaking to your friend while the convo gets started, so therefore wikihow was pretty useless, I no longer feel the need to have a crush. I went through most of 6 form without a crush in real life (cause Tom Hiddlestone stole my heart: he's so suave!) which I actually think was a pretty fab thing to happen. I spent the majority of year 12 desperately searching for someone to fancy and had a week long crush on someone and that was it. I had this expectation that going to a new school meant a whole new load of guys to like (before hand I had been round the same guys since I was 4) but finding few I liked forced me to accept a more mature way of viewing dating and accept that there aren't always hot guys around for me to crush on and that's ok. A boyfriend is not the be all and end all. This obviously took a lot to do for someone who spends to long fantasising about future relationships, but was one of the best things to do and definitely takes a weight off my shoulders (to an extent). I also think I'm so calm at the moment because 1) I don't want to get in a relationship so close to the beginning of university and the start of the next stage of my life and 2) because I've left school so I'm unlikely to meet anyone new for the moment (also, a cheeky number 3 would be me watching too much first dates and realising how everyone feels the same and is in the same boat). It's taken years to get to this stage, and I honestly thought it would be impossible to not panic about my lack of a love life, but it's a beautiful blessing in disguise. Reality check to the max!

                                    

For someone who had always wanted a boyfriend, I am amazingly calm about my lack of one...

So yeah. Closing thoughts, what should you take away from this waffle? Singledom is ok! Embrace life and don't force yourself to accept anyone into your life if you don't want to, just because you feel the pressures of society pressing down on you to have a bae (Urgh the cringe, bae indeed!). Oh and not having a crush is ok. Never change yourself for anyone because you can't keep it up forever and because you are awesome as your own self. Why be someone else for someone. If they aren't interested in you the you need to moooooooove on because they are not worth your time. (Half of this I haven't mentioned before, my history teachers would hate me if this was an essay conclusion haha). You don't have to be a size 0 to attract someone and don't lower your standards for them. If they aren't right then don't accept them because you are close to giving up. Don't give up because the right person is right around the corner. To reiterate what I said earlier: good things happen to those who wait. 

Ah, it's half one in the morning. That was not a good idea... Hopefully this makes sense. Idk, I was feeling empowered and wanted to write something inspirational haha. But maybe my weariness is masking the utter nonsense I've just typed. We'll see in the morning... [edit: it's the next morning, I am tired, I need to revise but I am editing typos on this... Only 3 changes by the way! Good going past June]

Anyways, do you have any advice on this topic, or a question for a follow up post? Email me at rougebyjunekonrad@gmail.com or leave a comment below.

June x

P.s. There were a couple of videos uploaded that really got my ‘cogs wirring’ on this subject. 

They are: Why no boy will never love me by BeautybyKat08 (such an empowering poem) and Never been kissed by HelloKaty (one of the best channels on YouTube, full of positive vibes and amazing motivational REAL videos and someone who's content I aspire to. Someone give her a book deal ASAP. She also happens to be someone I would love to collaborate with so watch this space in the coming years haha)


PPS: do you feel that the ForeverAlone 'joke' that floats around the internet almost encourages the pressure on people to have a partner and be active on the dating scene especially the tween early teen generation. I would love to hear your thoughts :) 

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