"An S.O. will solve all my problems"

May 08, 2017

Something I've seen a lot of over the years, and experienced myself, is the concept of needing to have a significant other. That my life will some how be fulfilled when I am going out with someone and that currently, I cannot live a full life in singledom. That I was a failure for being uno and needed to fix it. I felt down because I wasn't dating someone.  This got me in a rut that I struggled to get out of, and sometimes still fall back into: the need for a crush. The need to have someone to lust after constantly. When one went down the drain I would look for the next one, constantly searching, assessing the 'crush-potential' of every man I ever met.

Throughout my teens I got into the unhealthy habit of constantly being on the lookout for my next crush, 

Desperation made me see all men as potential boyfriends and saw simple eye contact as a sign that a stranger I just walked past on the street liked me.

No, no, no, no, NO!

This was not healthy at all. The constant searching and desperation and placing your worth on whether or not you're in a relationship. There is so much more to life than this. On YouTube comments, I always see people comparing their ages along with the fact they haven't been kissed yet, or lost their virginity, or what ever it may be.

"I'm 15, haven't even been kissed yet, gunna die alone"
"15?! I'm 25 and am still waiting to be kissed!"

It's like a negative competition. Comforting someone else's worries by expressing your supposedly worse situation. The amount of people that are unhappy because of how few "Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging"-esque bases they have hit is upsetting to see. Why does it matter the age at which you have your first kiss? Yes your peers may have, but never feel pressured into doing something because it seems like everyone else around you has already done it (they haven't, believe me). And even if you do feel ready but haven't met the right person yet, think about it in a positive light. Think about all those awkward first kisses you have avoided, not the great ones you could have had.

Everything happens for a reason (in my books) so now, instead of thinking:

"Hi, I'm June, 19, and haven't been kissed" (and I wear hats - any Emma Blackery fans in the audience today?) 

, my thought process is more, the situation hasn't arisen yet, but when it does, it will be amazing and worth the wait. And more importantly, 'so what?'.Why get it over and done with, sloppily in a club environment with a drunk stranger just because you want to get rid of this pressure you've put on yourself, when you could wait and have that movie moment with someone you like and know? Romance is only a small section of all the things in life waiting for you to explore. And besides, like I said in my last post on this topic, good things come to those who wait. Hold on, it will be worth it in the end.

You shouldn't base how you feel on your relationship status or how many "Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging" bases you have 'completed'.

But, alas, I have digressed from the original topic as per. So getting back on the motorway from the cute country lane we've turned off onto: not having been kissed, had sex or been in a relationship, these things do not define you and you cannot put pressure on yourself to change something that is only partially in your control (you can't make people like you). If you haven't found the right person yet, you haven't found the right person yet. I know I've had some fortunate misses when it comes to crushes over the years, having been the stereotype of falling for bad guys. No proper relationship is better than many with the wrong person if you ask me. I'll wait out for the Thorntons instead of settling for Lidl's own thank you (You're getting all the analogies today haha).

This may be hard to hear I'm sure, when you're sitting there wishing the person of your dreams to just appear before your eyes and for the wait to be over, but saying yes to the next person who asks you out, especially if you don't like them, just because you think a relationship will solve everything is not the right way to go about things. I know people who have been in unhappy relationships because they only got in them due to the pressure to be in one. And I also know of people, and am sometimes that person myself, who despair over their lack of love life. Who have cried out how much they want an S.O. and get extremely down about this fact. Who place it as their number one priority above everything else. It's hard to watch, because you can't just grant their wish.

Instead of looking for the quick fix, treat the base of the issue. Allow yourself to let go of the pressure you feel to have a significant other. This will do you more good than getting into a relationship will ever do. Being content single means you will never rely on others for your happiness and self worth because, guess what:


No relationship will ever solve all your problems. See singleness as time to focus on you. To focus on the things you need to do to be in the best place possible when the opportunity of getting in a relationship does come along.

Being at peace with your single status and not putting pressure on yourself to find someone, is a lot better in the long run, than the quick fix of being in a relationship.

And one final thing. Just because you aren't in a relationship does not make you any less of a person. It does not mean you are any less handsome or beautiful or clever or talented. It simply means that the person who will fall in love with all these parts of you and more hasn't found you yet (and they will), because you most definitely are all of these things and beyond. You are beautiful and handsome and clever and talented with or without a significant other, and don't you forget it!

June xx

Any thoughts on this topic or advice you would give someone who feels like this? Please feel free to share in the comments :)

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